What a prenup is (and is not)
A prenuptial agreement is a written contract signed before marriage that can spell out how certain property and obligations would be treated if you divorce—or sometimes if a spouse dies, depending on jurisdiction and drafting. It does not replace kindness, therapy, or the daily work of partnership.
Laws vary by location; nothing here replaces advice from a qualified attorney. Use this page to align emotionally and to know which questions to bring to your own counsel.
How to start the conversation
Open with shared intent: “I want us to feel fair no matter what life throws.” Listen for the story under the reaction—often fear of being disposable, shame about debt, or protectiveness of a business a parent built. Slowing down beats winning the sentence.
Question clusters
Pick one cluster per evening. Depth beats racing the list.
Why couples choose a prenup
- What specific outcomes are we trying to prevent or protect?
- What would “fair” look like to each of us on paper—not only today?
- Are we carrying anxiety from a parent’s divorce or a past relationship?
Separate property and what stays yours
- What assets exist before the wedding date—and how are they documented?
- How should appreciation on separate property be treated if we both contribute?
- What gifts or transfers from family should stay clearly labeled?
Debt, income, and future earnings
- How do we treat student loans, medical debt, or personal loans brought in?
- If one person pauses a career for kids, how is that honored in the agreement?
- What feels ethical about spousal support if incomes diverge sharply?
Business, equity, and intellectual property
- Which entities or shares are off the marital balance sheet—and why?
- If we both work in the same venture, how do we untangle roles if needed?
- What happens to sweat equity if one partner subsidizes the other’s startup years?
Inheritance and prior children
- How do we protect assets meant for kids from a previous relationship?
- What estate documents should mirror the prenup (will, trust, beneficiaries)?
- How do we talk with extended family without inviting pressure?
Process, timing, and emotional safety
- What deadline respects wedding planning without forcing a rushed signature?
- How do we pause if someone feels cornered—without derailing forever?
- What is our rule for revisiting terms after major life changes?
For broader money alignment (budgets, accounts, goals), pair this with prompts on the 97 Questions homepage—then return to legal specifics with counsel.
